I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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