I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
