We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
