i think i have herpe
just one?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
