school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
