Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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