do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
