Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize