you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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