I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
