Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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