You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
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He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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