I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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