I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
