The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
