He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
