a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
