I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
