After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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