I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
