Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
