I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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