where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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