I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
