he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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