It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
do nipples grow back?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
