It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize