trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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