whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
