broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
