I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
