At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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