i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
