Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize