GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
