i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize