Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
