Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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