I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My hand turned me down
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
