Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
