Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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