I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
