So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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