my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
