you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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