I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
