thus making me awesome and them whores
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
