Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
