It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I touched a dick in church today
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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