he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My feet surprised me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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