you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
