i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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