I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
