someone get that fucking seahorse.
barbara walters just said penis...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
