Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
