my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
