I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
