so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
