well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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