I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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