I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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