I skipped work to stalk him.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
