I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
