do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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