Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
