Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize