I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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