I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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