Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
