There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
