There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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