are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
