Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
