If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize