Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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