i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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