five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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