I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
