i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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