She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
