He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
